Conflict Resolution in Three Quick Steps

Imagine this. It’s date night. You and your partner have been waiting weeks to finally hit the town. You are steps away from grabbing your coat and being out the door when your partner looks at you with eyes you’ve seen before. “Oh no,” you think to yourself, “an argument, right as we are walking out the door. How?!” You panic and brace for impact. As you suspected, a full blown argument keeps you stuck under the door frame for longer than either of you could have expected.

In those moments, how can we quickly and genuinely bring about solutions to a conflict? It takes a level of self awareness, self soothing, and rehearsing these three steps over and over.

1. Go to the Balcony

This first step is all about self soothing. You may not have the availably to quite literally take time away and go to a balcony. Instead, imagine a figurative balcony where you can disconnect from intense emotions and take a few breaths. This will give you an opportunity to respond rather than react.

2. Step to their Side

This second step is about empathizing with another’s feelings. You may not agree with their point, but you may be able to acknowledge a feeling and summarize what you heard. This may look something like this, “I know you are frustrated right now because me working late caused us to leave later for dinner. I know how being on time is important to you and I might also be frustrated if I were in your shoes.”

3. Build a Golden Bridge

This final step is about offering an olive branch. How can you suggest a compromise, if fitting, or be apart of the solution. This might sound something like this, “If we do miss our reservation, l will take full responsibly in finding a new restaurant for us tonight. In the future, I’ll also will try to communicate when I might be late in getting home.” This shows that you desire to reach a conclusion that serves both people. After all, the only “win” in an argument, is when two people who love each other can maintain love, respect and understanding through compromise.